Hello everyone!!! I'm back on the blog band wagon. Loukis is getting so big! Well they are all getting big. Cassidy is a total teenager now and enjoying 5th grade. We joined the girl scouts and I sighned up to be a leader (I'm carazy) and I'm the room mom for Cassidy's class this year. Maddox is hell on wheels these days. He put on cassidy's swim suit the other day and ran around the house with goggles on saying in a high voice " I'm Ayla and I'm going swimming." Loukis is soooo fat and cuddley, and he loves that boobie!! I'm at a new place in my life as well I'm learning to take charge of my own life. I have been trying to get my life organized for so long and nothing seems to stick!! I haven't figured it all out but I will get there. Today I made a play area for the boys down stairs and it looks great. Hopfully pretty soon my whole house will be together and I won't have to stress about it anymore. For along time I have felt like I'm not worth haveing nice stuff and that maybe this crap is the life I'm supposed to have and that I couldn't do any better. But I don't feel like that now I feel like so what if we are poor and so what if there are things about myself and my life that are bad. It sounds so dumb but I feel like I can finally just do it!! And maybe I am ok just the way I am. I have let things pull me down for too long and now I feel ready to fight for my own happieness. I haven't felt inspired to paint or be creative in along time and lately that side of me is coming back. \i have also realized that I isolated my self from my friends and for me my friends are very important. Friday night I went to Mary's house to visit for the first time in along time, I was able to just be myself and let loose. It felt soo good!! Anyway here are some pictures for everyone. I love you all.

Counting Down!!!!

I'm almost there!!!!! June 5th is coming soon and yet it feels like it will never g et here!! I talked with mom last night at family night and she said Mandi is just as miserable as me. Poor Mandi!!!!!! I heard she has a twisted anckle. I don't know if I could deal with that it's hard enough getting around with two anckles that work. I feel ya sister! Aaron has been helping me alot lately and I;m so glad I am having a hard time doing most things these days. Mimi is coming after the baby for the wedding and to help me which will be great. Maddox fell down the stairs last week. It was terrible. There was blood every where and we had to ride in the ambulance to the hospital and everything. He is fine now after cat scans and head staples but it was scary to say the least. He was so tuff and everyone was commenting on how good he was. He didn't even cry when they put the staples in (nothing to numb him).

dont know if this pic came up. i copied it from another blog super cool yard!!

Hello everyone!! I haven't blogged in along time!! There isn't too much to tell. My belly is getting BIG and so are my nose and lips(i'm sure dad will be posting ugly pictures of me soon so don't worry). It seems like there would be more to tell. CPS is looking into Cassidy's dad but I think everyone knows that. It looks like they aren't going to do anything to him which really sucks. He gets away with everything I sware!! One day all of his crap will catch up to him I'm sure even if it's not like we all think it should karma has a way of coming back to you weather you like it or not. Aaron got a google phone with our upgrade and he loves that thing. I have to admit it is pretty sweet its like a mini laptop with gps and live street views. He is on that thing 24 hrs a day!!! Erin and I had family night with mom and dad yesterday. It was really fun the kids liked it alot and it was great spending time together with them. It's pretty cool having mom and dad so close now. They got to come to Casssidys concert at the aeros game and of course cassidy thought that was great.

Ok everyone I need to make a correction. His name is loukis Jeffrey. We are spelling it differently because aunt alice wanted louis and i like lukas so we put them together. I am feeling much better today Aaron is a great nurse. He took care of me all day yesterday and i got alot of rest. I was really suffering until i called my ob and she told me i can take ANY tylonol product not just the regular kind!!!!! Its amazing what a little cold and flu medicine will do for the spirit. Cassidy has alot of pretty big projects this year right now we are doing a black history month poster. She chose BB King of all people and she really seems to enjoy his music. I like helping her with this stuff. I didn't do many projects in school LOLOLOLOL!!!!!

Sick Kiddos!!

My kids got the crud this week. Well mainly Cassidy, she has been out of school all week long!! I am getting pretty round these days only 3 1/2 more months I can't belive this pregnancy has gone by so fast. Chris really wants Gavin and I think he is going to get his wish. We have pretty much decided on Loucis Jeffery VanDyken. It's as close as we could get to louis and still have dads name in there too I think its a pretty solid name.

Mimi and I have decided to become a team!!! She is going to write childrens books and I am going to illustrate them. I can't believe we never thought of this before!! We've talked about her writting stories and me wanting to illustrate but never together. I am very excited. Aaron is being a good husby these days. He helped me clean up today and he is even grocery shopping. At the funeral he was great taking care of the kids so I could be a part of everything. I will miss alice very much her light was bright and she was always loving and kind(not to mention hilarious!!). Although she wasn't a college grad or anything there was something wise about her like she just knew how life should be and what it was all about. When I was with her on friday she was so sick and I could tell she was going to die. But, despite her cercumstances, the fact that she her self was ready to move on to the next life, and that you could see she was sad she still had a bright spirit and want to know about me and my family. She knew what was important and the rest she didn't bother with. I love her so much and I am so greatfull to have had an upbringing where I know and feel close to my extended family.

"It would appear that it's glow, it's voice, and it's fragrance are meant to cause us to be raised up from contemplating the shit on our tails to occasionally traveling in the company of the stars."Clarissa Pinkola estes, Ph.D. on God as it pertains to art, poetry, and organized religion.

Cassidy in California. The lady in the shorts is the crazy one that took us almost to Mexico!!!

The newest penis in the family!

This is baby Luna soon after she came out!!!!

This can't really be called my latest as I did it about 8 months ago but it's the last thing I did. I keep having visions of things I would like to paint or draw but I think I'm just not inspired!!!!!!!! A bit late!!!! This is our brude on halloween pretty stinking cute!

I have been havong a many artist visions lately!! I wish I had the gut to do it!!!! I want to make my house into a painting every room a different canvas. It would take alot of time and money but I keep thinking about it. Maybey a good way to let out the WILD WOMAN inside me. I have kept her locked away for a bit. :) The kids are watching a movie right now... ahhh free moment. Better not speak too soon someone might need me. Guess thats the nature of the beast they drive you crazy but as soon as they aren't there your lost. Wonderful wonderful motherhood wouldn't trade it.

UG!! I am having a morning. Had to beat Cassidy out of bed. Got yelled at for waking up the hubby (he has to work today). Puked in the kitchen sink and the kids have a doctors appointment that I wasn't planning on!! It's only 9:00 what is going to happen for the rest of the day! I made a new recipe last night and it was a hit. Its a take on apple butt chicken.

Pork Chops and Grown Up Apple Sauce

6 pork chops
2 granny smith apples
1 onion
2 cloves garlic
salt and pepper
drizzle of honey
dash of cinnimon
T balsamic viniger
T olive oil

Brown pork chops with viniger and oil salt and papper(this makes a nice caremelization). Set aside. In the same pan scrape up the bits from the chops and add onion garlic apple and a bit more oil. stir until golden. add honey and cinnimon. put the chops back in the pan on top of the apple mixter and add 1/4 cup of water simmer for about 20 mim.

"When one defines oneself as Pagan, it means she or he follows an earth or nature religion,one that sees the divine manifest in all creation.The cycles of nature are our holy days, the earth is our temple,its plants and creatures our partners and teachers.We worship a deity that is both male and female, a mother Goddess and father God,who together created all that is, was, or will be.We respect life, cherish the free will of sentient beings, and accept the sacredness of all creation."

So as everyone knows my spirituality is quite a bit different from just about everyone I know. I am not sure you guys understand what I belive so I have decided to share. I am Pagan. This means alot of things though, its an unbrella term just as Christianity is. Just as all Christians aren't the same (ex.. Catholics don't belive the same as Mormans even though they are both Christian). With in paganism there is Wicca, Shamanism, Santaria (this one is kind of a mix between Voodoo and Catholosism), Voodoo, and many others. I am a bit of a pagan mut. I do practice what would be considered witch craft but I am shamanistic too. I am also polytheistic. Witch craft most likely isn't what you think it is. Ok Ok let me back up. I belive that God is many, meaning that basically the forces/beings that rule the universe are not one all seeing thing. There are male and female Gods and Goddeses that are "incharge" of different parts or the universe. I do not think that there is one God and I also don't belive that we are being tested or judged by that god to determine our eternity. However I do belive in karmah. We are all on our own individual journy and we are constantly learning and absorbing for the "next step" wheather that means coming back after we die to try again or we move on to what ever the next step is and similarly to lds belifes I think that we will ultimatly become gods or godesses. I also feel that the earth is one of these Goddoses and that she is like our mother. Einstine said that humans and all of the earths inhabitants were like a flea on a dog. All feeding and living off of one larger animal. I feel the same way, though some of use are more like a flea and sucking and wasting the gift we have been given, I also feel that others are care givers like feeder fishe that clean larger fish and in return they get a free meal. There is great power within her and that is where witch craft comes in. We can if we are worthy, "tap" into her great energy along with god/godess and everything else around us, the stars, trees etc. That is basically what witch craft is and you can use it for your self as well as help others, just like praying but with more control for lack of a better word. To do this however is much different than just praying. Yuo first learn how to feel the energy of all things, even rocks have "energy" or majic that is why we use candels talismans and other things on our alter when we conduct a ritual. Certain things contain certain kinds of energy to heal or divinate or what ever. Physical items are also used as offerings to the gods and godesses not as you may think though. I don't lay out things in hopes they will be pleased and give me what i want. I offer things as a tactile thing to show my thanks and also my intent. Anyway there is much more. Just like you can't explain all of the bible in one essay I can't explain my belifes like that either. I love all of you and welcome your questions.

Any hoo back to my house. I am sooo happy that its on the way to lovely!! I still have the garage to tackle but it totally seems doable now that the inside of the house is clean. I finnaly feel good and pregnancy is great! Ive been busy busy in the back yard. After the hurricane all the hard work I had done was ruined. Then pregnancy came and i had zero energy or motivation. Now I feel good and I've been working like the little garden witch I am. I might evwen get Aaron to get in on it :). Life is finally starting to get better. Maybe Prozac (probably Prozac) but none the less I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel!!

My house is CLEAN!!!!!!!! It took a made and mom coming to whip me into shape but I now have a place for everything. It feels so good to not be overwhelmed. I've actually enjoed keeping my house clean its amazing how things work once you have a system. Mom also gave me a work book on keeping an organized house and its really cool.